candycoatedwaterdrops

The comfort of crushed earth
is warm beneath my feet
The rumbling of the ocean breaks the silence
of this delightful April heat

The wind sweeps in briskly
with a chill upon its wing
These ever faithful tunes
invite my spirit to sweetly sing

A song of hope and faith
with a silent longing for romantic love
The idea of loving arms around me
fits my heart like an elegant lace glove

In the absence of my soul mate
this single soul has found a place
Where truth and expression frolic, allowing
peace and awareness to shine upon my face

A thousand lifetimes was how long you felt you’d known her for.
As though it was forever.
Seduced in the bitter chill of a snow storm.
Darkness hidden by the pure need to survive and hold on.
Her voice the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard.
Her features tragically dark, eyes haunted by a past
she could no longer escape.
Drawn by her strength,
Awed by her unusual beauty,
That left you floundering in the wake of
newfound emotion.
You discovered what it feels to fall in love,
Attracted by a soul, shadowed by a darkness
Forced to make a decision that you never imagined you’d
ever have to make.
Seven days of surviving and seven nights of falling,
Falling in love with her.
Love or duty, the choice was yours and yours alone.
The only one you ever loved,
The only one whose shadow you could not lift,
Laden down by her essence and the storm of
of her past, that would remain a part of her
Unheeding of your own strength
As you reached for her soul
And with the solid strength of rock,
Seeked to find her lightness and her goodness,
To raise her out of her own private hellfires
That burned so vivid in her soul.
The choice made, she was lost to you
Her face no longer a mask of hope,
Features marred by the acceptance of betrayal,
Her eyes followed you,
Even when she was gone,
You see those eyes in the stillness of the night,
As you lay alone, sleep a concept that has become foreign,
And discover that her darkness is now
No longer hers alone.

You’re so untouchable

Yet I’ve got my arms wrapped around you

You’re so impenetrable

Yet I’ve pierced your thick skin through

You’re so unlovable

Yet I adore every ounce of you

You’re so unbelievable

Yet I’ve held all you say as true

You’re so unthinkable

Yet thoughts of you plague me

You’re so unreachable

Yet I’ve pulled you into me

Who are you anyway

WHose side are you on?

He’s a friend to all, they say

But then where do I belong?

With these secrets and lies, your flippant behavior

I should be running for the door

But your habitual apathetic nature

Keeps me running back for more

You’re close to kin and next to me

Isn’t this against the rules?

You’re close to him and inside me

Am i just your puppet fool?

Midnight closes in
I feel it settle
On my limbs
Stiff, Sore, aching limbs
Aching from tortureous days

It begins to unfurl itself
It crawls beneath
Over
Above
Around me
Taking over

It casts Daylight aside
Like some forgotten friend

And the moon which shines
With uneartly stolen light
Stolen from the day
Is my only comfort through
darkened nights

Once again I am alone
Reaching for someone to hold
I feel desperate and undone
This pain has gotten worse
There’s no where for me to run
No where to call my home
Who will listen to my words?
I thought I knew who I was
But I found out I am lost
In this sea of the un-love
All I have is a desperate soul
Reaching out to no ones arms
Pealing layers of reject
God knows I’ve been betrayed

But once again I’m here
With my old companion fear
I’m reaching out for someone to calm me down
For that reason to believe
The light I see in others
But only darkness grows here
Once again is caving in
It feels like a disease
Slowly taking over me.

She speaks truth
And on the road to reconcilation she helps me
Aids me with her words
“How do you know my torment?
Why do you speak my thoughts with your tongue?
Where were you when I screamed with anger
You were there
And as you screamed, I screamed with you
And who did this to you?
Who made you scream and who wounded you the way the
wounded me?
Why do we dwell together in self pity?
Or is it self pity when we had no control?
But did we have control?
And is it the ever-two-sided story?
“Two sides to every story” they say
But they say alot
And only you say what I know
Reality
I hear you”

You are unaware
That behind closed doors
Where once pale faces sat
Now have beautiful powder-stricken ones,
Enclosing their face in an untruthful mirror.
They worry about what looks good on them,
Their weight, their height, the shininess of their hair
What they do for you-
You don’t know
They sit behind closed doors
Trying to perfect their imperfect faces
And you wonder what takes so long
You think its so ludicrous
That they are worried about their looks
But they are longing
For attention
And need the adulation from you
Why are you so resistant to the truth?
They need your comforting
They need your time
They need your patience
They need you
To fill their void
And tell them how
Beautiful they are
When you reply
When they ask, “How does this look?”
And you are open about it,
You wonder why they’re so angry
Because you don’t know
What they do for you

At the heart of silence I sit alone
Gray clouds drift moodily over
The vast foresst of emotion
At the heart of sielnce
The blackbird chooses not to comment
Its shadow cast across my face
How long have I been here?
Enduring the moods of the quiet
Ravenous gray-green beast
Peaceful blue water
It becomes all these things
Becomes everything
Until I must stuggle to find
Where it leaves off and I begin
But I can’t find it
I am no longer me
I exist not in my own right
But as a part of the silence
I am imprisoned
Damn you, silence, let me out!

Relationship… Relationship can be established anytime, anywhere: it can be in a coffee shop, in a waiting shed, in an elevator or in a terminal.  And, oh in a terminal!  Tha place where I met the first man that made my heart sing The Carpenter’s “We’ve Only Just begun” & he was also theone that left my heart vroken into pieces while mouthing the Michelle Branche’s “Goodbye to You”.  All these happened ina trminal. The terminal where people wait for a bus.  The terminal that sends people to places & welcomes people at their arrival.  The terminal that, I thought, could be the best place to meet my, you kow,Mr. Personality.

I wait…the clock ticks. Almost all buses have passed by &  I still haven’t figured out which one could lead me to where I should be.  The wary, shabby bus comes.  I hail… It stops… I sit at the very last end of the bus. There is silence… The bus rocks my exhausted body.  There is comfort fromt he fear that I felt while I was waiting fo rthis last bus ( I thought this as the last).The thundering horn gives me the warning.  I keep my eyes open.  The wariness & shabiness, somehow, don’t give doubts at all because while I’m in here, I’m safe.

I halt the bus into a stop. It doesn’t move. It stops me to theplace where I’m supposed to be in a little later. There are no words of appreciation from my mouth.  I smile. Day pass, I wait for the bus again.  It comes like a dream. It comes like time. I ride on it again.  It brings me to a new place where I can only see sorrow. I’m scared… The thundering horm echoed.  I wait for the bus to fetch me but there is none.  I sit on the bench on the terminal while waiting for the bus again but there is still none. I hum a happy tune instead… I feel empty.  I’m scared. There are many buses that pass by but the wary, shabby bus that used to bring me to the happy places is gone.  Where is it?  Somebody can save me, please.  Take me out of here! A bus passes, but it isn’t the one that I’ve been waiting for.  Oh God, where is it? Someone must have stolen it.Someone must have gone to a journey with/on it. What about me? I just wanna go home. I don;t want to ride on that shabby and wary bus again!!! So, I hail a new bus. I cross my fingers. Hope this could be the right and the best one… The journey begins…

If I reach
Would there be any offerings
If you’re so secluded with yourself
What makes me think I won’t lie empty
You say
Temptation isn’t where you think
Then what’s the use
In saying it in one meaning
Why can’t I tell you
The way I want to believe
I can’t help if what I want
Sometimes seems demanding
I know it looks blurry
But sometimes I get fogged
Still, somewhere inside me
Is someone I almost forgot

Don’t stay mad
At my own denials
Stop helping me discover
Life doesn’t always have to be a trial
Snap out of it
It’s always been this way
Leave it where it belongs
Just wait a few days
I’m ready to shed
And start searching for who I am again
Just say it will be good
No one said it had to be sane

What do I do
If no one appreciates
I can’t go beyond what I want to be
It’s the creations you want to make
Are you Still listening??
Then why are your eyes looking around??
Does it seem uncomfortable
Seeing exactly what you’ve found
Make me cry
And show me you still have emotions
Nothing is ever far fetched
Nothing is ever dumb
Why is it so hard
To talk directly to you
When you is me
And this is just what I do

I have a strength deep inside me
It moves me in the right direction
It wraps in it’s guiding arms
And from my pain offers me protection

It’s not a word
Or a face
It’s a song
That fills me with it’s grace

This song is sung
By a heart so pure
It’s heavenly chords
Is the powerful cure

Its been 4 years since I last saw you standing there with your eyes wide hoping I would come back to you,
There are plenty of days when I forget your name and thinking of potential past lovers,
I think Ive finally moved on now, I can sleep at night without my pillow being wet again,
you ask tonight if I might come to you again,
but there are plenty of days when I forget your name and thinking how I can make myself better without you,
Do you have so many regrets, because I do now, they’ve wasted my time,
this is what made me okay, to write, & listen to myself.
Theres plenty of days when I forget your name & thinking how I can start again.

Sometimes, I think you forget about me.. to ask the simple questions like where’ve you been?
To many anwsers here, & why did I commit to this, What will come of this, & why should I sleep with you right now,
Sometimes, I think you forget about me.. Im always sitting here waiting for your excusses to match your lies, and my blaming you goes on and on, hoping you dont end up like the rest of them.

we cannot find enough reasons to explain

why we weren’t together in our teen years…

it’s cold day but in your house,

our words, our smiles heat us

you were talking about how we had driven our lives:

different paths but the same complicity

you were laughing…

you were so beautiful

we both know we could take a long time to talk

about my - as you used to say -"serious subjects"

or about any fool anything

or just to face each other

(for a long time I wished I could do it once more in my life)

we don’t feel shame to see ourselves

this way I actually love your eyes

when you feel that my eyes are on yours

when you give me a big shame-shining smile

(you see through me; you comfort me)

I’d like to say: I’m freezing, hug me…

- I won’t probably say it -

so I imagine what you may say:

I knew you needed it!

let’s speak about our weakness about life about our mistakes

we need each other since we were twelve!

now you’re next to me

I lie down on your living roon and look to the ceiling…

and I think and let my thoughts fly away

while I was listening you… forgive me!

‘Cause in a little while I tought of you over me

when I was laid down your living roon like this…

‘Cause at this moment I tought you were mine.

Use your tears when you want calm your pain Use your questions when you need to find explications Use your backyard when you need to stay alone Use pen and paper when you want throw your sorrow away Use your smile when you want to make someone happy Use your heat when you hold someone you love Use your creativity when you don’t know what you can wear Use your time off when you want just have fun Use your mistakes when you want to learn more Don’t use shoes when you’re walking on the beach sand Don’t use thoughts when you’re falling in love Don’t say the day is not beautiful just because it’s raining Don’t use words when you want express your love Don’t feel lonely because you have a friend

I can just imagine what your parents are like. The people who conceived such beautiful, delicate deity. The people who prepared you to live such a full, impressive life. The life that brightens the existence of the people around you, and that humbles all creatures in Earth.
I spoke to you this morning. You sounded cheerful, you sounded full. I could hear your smile, and thought how much I would have wanted to be with you. I love how your voice carries your feelings like a wind carries a dandelion. How when you are concerned, you transmit it. When you are joyful, it only takes to hear a word out of your mind to picture your smile with such clarity, that I know that whatever happens, I will be alright. I feel you next to me, feeling the warmth of my breath in your face, feeling the gentleness of my touch, accepting the invitation to my open heart.
Whenever I close my eyes, I can see your face. I can see your smile, and your peculiar nose. I can see your eyes inviting me to play and dream, and I can see your hair, your perfect, golden hair, and I appreciate the way the sunlight makes it glow gently into my eyes.
Who are you, illusion, who wonders in my mind? Come with me tonight and show me the way. Walk with me through life, but not as a companion, as a light. As a guide. As an inspiration. Stay by my side, don’t you ever leave. Wipe my tears and dust my garments, for next to you I shall never fall again. Walk through this journey with me, join my parade and light my fire.

Do you think of me as the night turns into day and I wish I was with you?

Darkness encapsulates the soul
Flaunting its ability to deplete nearly every last drop of hope and delight
In the ordinariness of a life squeezed by stresses or disillusionment,
Deflated by the realisation that self-fulfilment is not within reach
Nor peace a possibility at this stage in the game of life
(Mothers will understand what I mean)

Yet merely a flicker of an eyelid commands power through its
Invitation to light,
as the eyes allow access like windows into my very being,
embracing the call of creation which
Diffuses my small sufferings and dares to defy
Negativity, too much subjectivity
Or inflated thoughts of doom and gloom
Scattered through the day like pepper on a plate

Vision enables me, calls me to scan the horizon from east to west
And to see beyond the boundaries of my existence, while
Everything within cannot resist the rapture of God’s alluring landscape
My lungs expand involuntarily to grasp a fresh taste of salty air
As exuberant waves demand my attention, and I cannot deny
Your existence, Your true trademark of nature
And my all-consuming little life is dwarfed by the wonder of silvery sea and
Sugar-like sand, that cannot be captured in the palm of my hand

And I laugh at the way you designed me to depend on
Your light, as you shine through the sun
Saving my sanity, as warmth envelops me,
Teases me, reminds me that there’s more to this world
Than me, than mine, and yet more of me,
And your cotton-like clouds entertain far more than what I see on TV
And the stones on the beach are pure pleasure to see
I’ll remember next time
When I open my eyes and respond to your
Invitation to light

If you’ve been swimming your heart out, following something or someone, that can’t be caught, then try to resist the urge to swim faster.Try to stop, and listen, and look, not only at the behavior of what you’re chasing but at your own behavior!.Chances are you can’t do anything about his or her patterns, but you can do everything about your own.Keep this picture in your head!Out of breath, stopped in the warm embrace of the water.Looking and seeing for the first time what you’ve been doing.And realizing you don’t have to go there after all.Then think of all the time and all the energy you’ll have for a different kind of relationship; a relationship that will nurture you, excite you, make you feel safe and fill your heart with hope.Swim back to shore and find it.

I did it!

I just did!

Here’s another speech you’d wish i swallow
Another cue for you to fold your ears
Another train of thought too hard for you to follow
Chugging along to the sound of train that will follow
Please forgive me for my distance
The pain is evident in my existence
Please forgive me for my distance
The shame is manifest in my existence
To yours & mine,
Sappy love mistake

Don’t grieve for me,for now I’m free,
I’m following paths god made for me,
I took his hand, I heard him call,
then turned and bid farewell to all

I could not stay another day,
to laugh, to love, to sing, to play,
tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found my peace at close of day.

And if my parting left a void,
then fill it with remembered joy,
a friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
all these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened deep with sorrow,
I wish you sunshine of tomorrow,
My life’s been full, I savoured much,
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
don’t lengthen it now with undue grief,
life up your heart and share with me,
God wants me now, he set me free.

You encourage my goals,

And support my dreams,

By loving, accepting,

And believing in me.

You’re often quick to praise

And slow to criticize.

Which is why I feel confident,

Secure, and wise.

You’re there to share

My thoughts and feelings too.

I’m always myself whem I’m with you.

It’s friendship that supposed to be,

One that brings out the best in me…

To whom it may concern-

I put you up so high on a cloud,

You put me so low, you almost forgot about me

I think you should be gone, away from me so I won’t fear

before another hand at my face

I thought I would start over, to pursue you later to be abused and misused

for money to support your habits, and to think you loved me

and to think you cared

and to think you were the one

So when I leave, and when I’m gone.

I hope you’ll see that I was here

God knows you need help beyond repair, because I’ve tried

I’ll say goodbye

Why evasive, you ask? Men are hunters by nature. And it’s not the capture, it’s the hunt that really gets them going.  There is nothing more fulfilling to a man than easy prey. If a deer hunter lands his prey within the first five minutes he’s in the woods, he’ll experience an immediate sense of excitement. A big "Woo-ho!" But listen to me when I tell you that the joy will wear off as quickly as it came, and in no time. he’ll move to his next victim.

Therefore, you have to let a guy sweat it out. Imagine this: A hunter enters the woods and after about seven or eight minutes, he spots his prey. He cocks his gun, takes aim, fires- and misses. No big deal. He cocks his gun again, takes aim, shoots- and misses again, and again and again. After several attempts. he starts getting frustrated. Does that mean he’s gonna pack up and go home? Hell, no! In fact, he’s gonna go after that one particular deer, tha one that’s a little too sly and won’t take the bait. The one who … "evades" him.

Now the hunter is going after this one deer (who suddenly appears more strikingly beautiful then before)with a vengeance. After about eight more misses, he starts going nuts! He’s gonna do whatever it takes to get his hands in that girl- oops! I mean doe. He’s pulling out all the stops. Hour pass, daytime becomes dusk and he’s never worked harder in his life to shoot a deer. After five hours and dozens of failed attempts, the hunter’s vengeance turns to sadness. He hasn’t seen the doe in close to an hour. As he sits against a tree, nearly defeated, he hears a rustle. He looks up, and there she is! His heart starts pounding, his brow gets sweaty. He says a prayer, takes a deep breath, and fires his forty-ninth bullet. And with that shot he stries hid prey right in the heart. He takes a moment to let it all sink in and drops to his knees in absolute glee. He’s in total disbelief. He jumps to his feet and runs as fast as his legs will go and crouches right next to the defeated deer. Now, normally, the hunter drags his prey off to the side and goes on hunting. But unlike the dozens of other deer he’s shot in the past, he treats this particular one with dignity. Instead of flinging it onto his flatbed truck, he delicately lifts it up and carefully lays it to rest in the back. He drive home extra slowly that night, and once he gets home, he cooks up and bites into the most delicious deer meat he’s ever tasted. When he’s through with the meal, do you suppose he throws the remains away? Oh no, this one’s special, remember! Instead, he mounts the deer head on the wall directly within eyeshot of his desk so he can admore it for years to come. He treasures that moment in the woods for the rest of his life every time he glances at that face. The one thar almost got away.

Now let’s get out of the woods and into the real world. If you play hard to get- very hard to get- then once you make him your boyfriend, he will treasure you like no other woman before you. Sounds simple, right? Well, not exactly, at least not for the girls. Women are generally more emotional than men; we experience feelings of love, bonding, and nurturing more intensely than a guy does. Obviously, this isn’t true in every new relationship, but it is the case int he majority of them. We are just wired differently than our male counterparts. And the problem with us is that we accept that we are built a certain way, and too often we allow our emotions to get in the way of acting cool.

So the trick is to curb the behavior that oftentimes leads us to misery and tears. You know, falling for a guy after two dates and letting him know it, which leads to chasing him away with your intensity. 

Back to the word "trick" for a minute. Women by nature, are more selfless than men. We have been coined as nurturers since the beginning of time. The problem is, we now live in a new day and age. An age where it’s becoming more and more acceptable to stay single longer.

We often accuse men of being too distracted. not caring enough about us. Just because they don’t obsess over our every move doesn’t mean they don’t care about us. It’s just that they care more about themselves. Period. And we need to start doing the same.

Are you fulfilled?

Or are you hungry?

Are you saving all your money?

Are you hurting deep inside?

Are you swallowed by your pride?

When you’re sitting all alone

When your feelings have grown and grown

Are you a person just like me?

Or are you filled with apathy?

I look at you as a friend

I’ll be there till the very end

I was sent to watch over you

But you don’t even have a clue.

I know where you are every night of the week

I know when you have reached your peak

So when you’re scared and in the dark

I’m thinking of you in my heart.

A black cloud, a storm of pain

the song reminds me of you

the shape of sadness, this is me

a bird in the cat’s mouth

a tall tree, a forest of tears

amd I’m thinking of you

the death of happiness, this is me

A raindrop in the big blue sea

You’re gone through the mirror

and it reflects only my body

the night is always here in me

no matter what I see, all is blurry.

A deep cave, a hidden place

this is where I’m searching for you

the lord of the fire, this is me

a ray of light in the darkness

A wet pillow, a secret dream

and my mind is bleeding inside

the dreamer of life, this is me

a wrong word in your vocabulary.

That night you hurt me,

That night I forgived you,

The next day you thanked me,

The next day I hated you.

My heart couldn’t take,

So I forgot.

Your heart couldn’t break,

So you called.

You say you loved me,

You say you cared,

I said I loved you,

I said I cared, too.

I still do…

If I’m gone when you wake up, please don’t cry.

If I’m gone when you wake up it’s not goodbye.

Don’t look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress.

Remember me, remember me…

‘Cause I’ll be with you in your dreams.

But if I’m gone when you wake up, please don’t cry.

And if gone when I wake up, don’t ask why.

(Just) remember me, ’cause I’ll be with you in your dreams.

Don’t cry, I’m with you.

Don’t cry, I’m by your side.

And though my flesh is gone

I’ll still be with you at all times.

Although my body’s gone

I’ll be there to comfort you at all times.

‘Cause I’ll be with you in your dreams.

I don’t want you to cry or weep.

I want you to go on living your life!

I’m not sleeping an endless sleep.

‘Cause in your heart you have all our good times.

All of our good times… you have.

So if I’m gone when you wake up

Don’t ask why.

Don’t look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress

Remember me, remember me… ’cause I’ll be with you in your dreams.

People treat me
I can´t do what I want
What are all the rules for?
I feel used my people I don´t know
I feel alone
Am I?
Is there anyone crying when I´m gone?
I don´t know
I sometimes wanna leave it all behind,
break free and start again from the beginning
Is there a second chance for life?
Hey you! Another ticket please! I wanna try again!
I messed it all up
Does anyone hear me?
Does anyone wanna listen my cry?
I gotta hurry up or I´ll lose orientation
Don´t leave me alone - help me - I need you
Help me find the way out of this labyrinth

Is there an exit?

It makes a difference in my life, to know that you will come and say goodnight.
To know that if I  have a nightmare, you will wake me and show me the light.
By talking. By listening. By understanding. By taking me seriously. By looking at me when I talk to you.
You make a the cloudiest day look clear and bright, and I feel like I owe
you something… and wish I had something beautiful to give you back. But I
don’t. And yet you don’t seem to care. You are just there for me, and never
get tired of my dramatic stories, or of listening to my worries and
anxieties…
Yet I hope you are not doing this out of pity of the situation I am
currently living. Because that I cannot accept. That I cannot take. I just
wish with all my heart that you like me for who I am - yet my selfconfidence
seems so low right now that I dont feel that is the case.
I am willing to do anything for you. But yet that doesnt seem enough. Yet I
dont feel I could ever do anything to give you back everything you have
given me. And I feel like I underestimate myself constantly. And I dont
understand the reason for my low self-esteem.
And then I remember… you dont really exist, do you? You are a product of
my imagination. Something my mind has created in my hours of lonliness and
desperation for human affection. Yet you exist. And I see you everyday. But
you will never be who I want you to be. There is no time for it. And even if
there were, this couldnt possibly happen.
Maybe I wasnt meant to leave this place on a high note. Maybe my depression
will make this transition easier. But right now I feel lonely… except for
you. But please dont pity me… please dont hurt me…. please dont abandon
me. Please.